I said it…

8:35 pm ByFiled UnderMission SAHM

Well, I did it!

I finally said those two words I’ve been dreaming of saying since before The Munchkin was born, “I quit!”

Actually, I took the long-winded yet more professional approach and said, “I’m tendering my resignation,” but the outcome is the same.

August 31 will be my last day as a mom who works outside of the home – at least for a long time anyway.

My last morning rushing around trying to get everything ready. My last day spent wondering how The Munchkin is doing when I’m supposed to be working. My last day scrambling to get everything completed so that I can leave close to on time and pick up The Munchkin so that we can have some semblance of a quality afternoon routine together before she’s asleep in her bed. My last day feeling like no matter what I do or how hard I try, I’m going to let someone down.

I feel so incredibly relieved. I don’t have to pretend anymore. No more hiding my plans for the future. No more pretending I’m doing something I’m passionate about. No more faking.

And finally, the opportunity to strengthen the bond I share with The Munchkin again – a bond I’m sad to admit felt like it weakened after I returned to work. Finally, I get to be the one deciding on the daily routine (though I’m sure The Munchkin may just have a little to do with that). I get to do those projects I always say I’m going to work on with her. We can work on potty training together, read stories and practice counting. We can both step out of our comfort zones and get to know new people in this new avenue of life together – play groups and library activities and mommy-and-me classes. We can both grow together.

And finally, The Hubs can have a moment to relax once in awhile. He can enjoy the weekend without trying to work with me to cram every household chore into our too-valuable weekend time. He can come home to a cooked meal every once in a while. He can have some much-needed balance in his life.

We all will.

I know that it sounds idealistic, but trust me when I say I know our lives will not suddenly be perfect simply because I’m home. But I’m confident that there will be a dramatic improvement. A balance that just isn’t there now. I’m even more confident that this is exactly what our little family needs.

And while I’ll perhaps be a bit bittersweet the last time I pull out of the parking lot at work, full of the anxiety that comes with leaving the familiar and entering the unknown; I know that as soon as I walk through the door to our house on August 31 – as soon as I’m home – I’ll be exactly where I belong.

Let the countdown begin…

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Progress Report

9:34 pm ByFiled UnderFiner Things, Mission SAHM

Well, the numbers are in.

Last weekend as I sat with The Hubs to review our budget and spending for the month of April, I couldn’t help but have butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I did when I was a kid and my dad let me watch the movie, Alien – afraid of what I would see, but not willing to completely cover my eyes so as not to miss what would happen.

Luckily, the outcome was more like the book, The Little Engine That Could than any of the Alien movies.

To my glee, we came in under our budget for April! Yes, we managed to not only spend less than what The Hubs makes, but we were able to save all of my salary and some of his too. Our six-months-of-expenses nest egg is growing exactly at the pace we want it to be and our spending was less than what we thought.

This is definitely the direction we need to be headed in order for me to achieve my goal of being a stay-at-home-mom.

There will still be some tweaking to do in May (we went over budget on groceries for our first week this month – look for a post coming soon with more details on those plans), but it looks like my ambitious plan of leaving the work force by the end of June isn’t so far-fetched after all.

I am beyond excited about this!! Heck, while I’m throwing out movie and book references, I’m going to go ahead and say that I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when the yellow brick road finally leads to that wizard. She’s not home yet, but she’s almost on her way.

And while it isn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done, it has not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

This success, while certainly not a guarantee that we can live this way every month of our lives, makes me feel so hopeful and encouraged. This dream I’ve been wishing for is finally a real prospect. And that is definitely a finer thing in life – progress and the hope that comes with it.

This post is part of “Finer Things Friday” hosted by Amy at The Finer Things in Life. Head on over there to check out more of the finest.

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Mission SAHM: The Plan, So Far…(Part I)

9:46 pm ByFiled UnderMission SAHM, SAHM

I’m going to quit my job in 90 days. That’s my goal anyway. It’s also the mantra I’ve been repeating to myself to help me get through my workdays lately.

I blogged recently about the need to make things happen instead of waiting for them to change.  As I promised in that post, The Hubs and I finally got to take some time to sit down and really discuss what we want to do and how we’re going to accomplish it (See? This blog really is helping to hold me accountable for what I say).

Here’s our plan so far:

During the months of April, May and June, we’re going to do a practice run of living off of just The Hubs’ salary. That means I will be locking my debit card and check book from my own bank account in a safe and only using it in an emergency. All of my income will be banked to help pad our savings account so that by the time I quit, we will hopefully have 3-6 months of expenses saved in a rainy day fund.

This is going to be a challenge.

Not that I consider myself a big time spender, but in calculating our combined expenses for the past three months, there is definitely room for improvement. And there will have to be if I want to quit my job. So we’re going to have to look for ways to pinch pennies, reign in our spending and reduce our expenses any way that we can (more on that later).

It’s also a little bit scary. For one thing, I really, and I mean really (did I mention really) hate the idea that this just might fail. I’ve already been desperately seeking this for more than a year. I can’t imaging how devastating it would be to find out that even more time is required to make it a reality.

For another, and this may sound selfish, but I’m afraid of giving up my independence. I was raised with the idea that spouses should have separate bank accounts. I witnessed first-hand the tension that can result when they don’t (and don’t agree on how to spend their combined income). What if that happens to us? What if it becomes an issue in our marriage?

I have to keep reminding myself that we’re doing this as a team. We’re going to work together to make it work. But in the back of my mind, that fear is there.

I guess that’s one of the reasons we’re doing this practice run. So we can work out all the kinks before real life hits. And deep down, I know my fears are a little irrational. The Hubs and I have a solid foundation. We work best as a team and I know that we’ll be able to make it work. Besides, The Hubs has a way of being able to discuss almost anything calmly and rationally without letting his emotions get in the way. It’s almost annoying if you want to know the truth because for once I’d like him to be all huffy and wordless the way I am when we fight, but that’s another post for another day.

The point is, we have a plan. And I’m really excited about it. And maybe a little scared. But I know that some way, some how we’re going to make it work.

Within the next 90 days would be nice.

In the next post of this series, I’ll discuss the ways we plan to reduce our budget. For now though, I want to know what advice you may have.

If you’re a SAHM, how do you make it work? What tips do you have for living on one income and cutting back expenses? What kinds of things have you tried that you would never try again?

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A Plan for Action

9:30 pm ByFiled UnderBlog, SAHM

This morning at 4 a.m. when I was up with The Munchkin for yet another eyes-barely-cracked-open feeding, I wasn’t thinking about breast milk. I wasn’t thinking about nourishing my baby. I wasn’t really thinking about her at all. I was fanaticizing about the moment when I will finally pull my car out of the parking lot at work knowing that I don’t have to come back.

Ahh, yes. I don’t know when it will happen yet, but whenever it does, I know that will be one satisfying drive.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. And maybe it’s because The Munchkin seems to have reverted back to the nighttime sleeping habits of a two-month-old (I’m blaming this exhausting phase on her recent illness and not getting enough solids to eat during the day). Or maybe it’s the tease of spring weather we’ve been experiencing recently, but I had really hoped to be making my exit from the work world by now. Alas, things haven’t quite panned out that way. Yet.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I know that The Hubs and I are incredibly fortunate to be living on two incomes – especially in a time when so many are out of work, not scraping by, just wishing to be in my shoes.

But I can’t help but feel like I should be doing more to get to a point when working outside our home is no longer a necessity for me. I started this blog with the idea that I would be sharing my struggles and successes on this mission with you. And while I have shared a lot about my life as a mom, I haven’t touched much on the subject of my efforts to stay home. Honestly, the reason is that we really haven’t done much.

Sure, we’ve been cautious about what we spend. And I’ve been researching ways to make money from home (this blog included). But we haven’t taken any real steps yet towards any goals, or even identifying what those goals are on the path to stay-at-home-motherhood.

Instead, I’ve been waiting. For what, I’m not entirely sure. We’ve been waiting to figure out exactly what The Hubs’ take-home pay is now that his benefits have kicked in. Waiting for a few hours to sit down together and talk about how we think it will work. Waiting for…well…insert whatever excuse is convenient here.

It’s not The Hubs’ fault. I think in his mind, we have much more of a plan than we do in my mind because he’s always calculating and figuring things – that’s the way his brain works. Mine, not so much. I need to talk it out, write it down even, because my brain is so scattered and I get so easily distracted that if I don’t have something to refer back to I end up with a half-cooked dinner and a washing machine full of musty-smelling clothes.

The thing is, we haven’t really discussed it much. I think it’s because somewhere, deep down, I’m afraid. Not only of the idea of actually being able to stay home with my little girl (what if I suck at it?), but that some obstacle will surface when we really get into the planning stage and I will find out that I won’t be able to leave my job after all. At least not any time in the foreseeable future. The idea of that possibility is so absolutely terrifying and depressing to me that I would rather not face it completely.

Then, along comes one of those pesky 4 a.m. feedings, and whether I want them to or not, the wheels in my head start spinning. Suddenly there I am, foggy-brained and exhausted, thinking about what could be. It’s funny how those fuzzy wee-hours of the morning can end up being moments of clarity all at the same time. It dawned on me as I was sitting there, avoiding the glaring red reminders of what little sleep time I would have left until my alarm clock blares, that doing nothing means that nothing is going to change.

I can’t sit and wait for something to happen to me. I have to make it happen. The Hubs and I have to work together to make it happen. And I know this is something he wants almost as much as I do. The Munchkin is turning one in less than two weeks and I refuse to spend the entire second year of her life the same way I spent her first.

So, no more waiting. No more excuses. This weekend, we are going to come up with some sort of plan – even if it’s a plan to keep planning, at least it’s something. And I have a sneaking feeling that when we put our minds to it, we’ll be able to come up with something more substantial than just a plan to plan. Besides, I’ll need something more interesting than that to blog about when I revisit this topic next week.

Hubs, if you’re reading this, consider this Saturday at 8 p.m. booked. We’ve got some planning to do.

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MOMent of the Day: Empowerment

10:14 pm ByFiled UnderMOMent of the Day

Let me just preface today’s MOMent by saying that we were dumped on, in more ways than one.

We awoke this morning to tons of snow – at least a good foot (dump part one). This was actually not a bad thing since it resulted in a snow day of sorts for The Munchkin and me and I was all too excited at the prospect of getting to spend the entire day with her.

The day started off well. We did a little eating, a little playing, had a good story time. And then, just after morning snack, it happened.

Yes, today’s MOMent is a little thing I like to call, “Pooptastrophe 2010”:

I’m wiping down the highchair and The Munchkin after her snack when I catch a hint of some not-so-fresh air. I quickly remove her from her highchair and do the mom poop sniff test (Moms, you all know you do this – it’s the one where you bend your little one over and catch a whiff of their behind to tell if they need a change). Oh yes, it is that time alright. Off we go upstairs to the changing table. I notice as I start undressing her that this is going to require a clothes change for The Munchkin. Once I get down to the diaper, I realize the situation is a bit more severe than I first guessed.

Quite simply, the diaper failed. Well, that and The Munchkin really had a lot to put into it. Poop is everywhere. And I mean everywhere. By this point, it has smeared all the way up her back to her armpit. She is squirming all over the place, causing the contents of her diaper to go all over the changing table, more on herself, on me – it. Was. Gross. I reach for a wipe, determined to get the situation somewhat under control when, to my complete and utter horror, there aren’t any.

Oh man! I curse myself for not checking after her last diaper change to make sure there would be wipes for the next time. So Stupid. What am I going to do? Let’s recap here: I have a child with poop smeared all over her, a poopy changing table, a diaper so saturated that it’s completely useless at this point and NO WIPES!! I grab a replacement diaper and try as best as I can to position it between The Munchkin and the poopy parts (it doesn’t work, by the way, because the poopy parts far outnumber the non-poopy parts at this point), rush to the closet where the replacement wipes are supposed to be to find…you guessed it…NO WIPES.

Ok. I’m regrouping. I rush all the way downstairs, carrying a poopy munchkin like a quarterback holds a football, fumble through the diaper bag and grab what seem to be the only wipes in the entire house. We rush back up the stairs and into the bathroom where I get The Munchkin cleaned up enough to safely put her in her exersaucer until I can get a bath ready. Whew! After lots of soap, scrubbing and carefully getting the poopy items into the laundry, the situation seems back under control. I wash up, change my clothes, get The Munchkin into something fresh and we’re back to our snow day fun.

Until the entire thing happens again!!

Yes, more poop, all over (despite the fact that I have wipes this time) everything (including The Munchkin’s hair and me). Only this time I am on a conference call for work. Now, tell me moms don’t multi-task!

Round 2 ends and after another bath and change of clothes for both of us we’ve got everything under control. Conquering that makes me feel like I can conquer anything. Pooptastrophe no more. I am Super Woman.

I learned two very important lessons from my MOMent. One: I will be a wipe Nazi from now on. Two: Even when I am dumped on, nothing beats a day at home with my little girl.

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