Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

In honor of Mother’s Day, I wanted to write about a stand-out MOMent I remember having with you. Like most kids, I never really understood or appreciated all the things you’ve done for me. I don’t think I’ve ever told you about all of the times when you really made a difference in my life, and I certainly don’t think I’ve ever recounted a particular moment and thanked you for being there for me. But when I tried to choose something specific, I couldn’t.  I couldn’t think of an exact memory that stands out because you’ve always been there for me. No matter what. Even when I didn’t want you to be.

So, thank you.

Thank you for enduring hours upon hours of drug-free labor to have me nearly two weeks late. As someone who has recently gone through childbirth, even going two days before my due date was agony – and I didn’t have to put up with the unsightly maternity clothes you were forced to wear or being in my third trimester during the hottest part of the year…

Thank you for being my kindergarten teacher and the best teacher I’ve ever had. In my life. Ever…

Thank you for driving me to school every year on the first day of school and walking me to my class, even in sixth grade as I terrifyingly started junior high. And thank you for the many drives you would make to that building after an exhausting day of work to pick up a book I would need for a homework assignment or sometimes my entire backpack…

On that note, thank you thank you for putting up with such a scatterbrained and easily distracted kid. As my own daughter can sometimes take up to fifteen minutes to climb half a flight of stairs because she becomes sidetracked by lint on the steps or making her toys slide down the railings, I’m gaining more and more of an appreciation for the patience you had with me (and believe me, at the time I didn’t think you had much – I’m now learning I was sorely mistaken)…

Thank you for crying all those times throughout my childhood and beyond when I would roll my eyes and tell you not to. Like my senior year on senior night during the half-time show of the football game when you proudly walked with me in my full band nerdom, tears welling up in your eyes. Or whenever you’d watch some sappy movie. Now I understand. Now that I have two babies of my own, Rice Krispie commercials can choke me up. And the sight of my handsome baby boy smiling at me just melts my heart. Now I understand…

Thank you for teaching me how to bake cookies and letting me eat the dough…

Thank you for the occasional Parlour treat when we’d have dessert before dinner…

Thank you for instilling in me the proper love and appreciation that chocolate deserves, and always sharing yours with me (or stealing mine from my Halloween and Easter candy)…

Thank you for goodnights that would last for hours and always listening and always saying, “I love you,”…

Thank you for always being the one to make me feel better when I am hurt, whether it was from a fall in the driveway, a fight with a friend or even being dumped. Even when I didn’t want to tell you about it…

Thank you for letting me grow up and graduate and go to college and get married and start a family of my own. Even when you didn’t want to let me go…

Thank you for always supporting my every decision…

Thank you for showing me what a strong, beautiful, amazing mom and woman is and for giving me someone I can aspire to be like…

When I was younger I used to say that I wasn’t going to do things like my mom. But now that I am one, I continue to find myself trying to be more like you.

Thank you for being you – my most perfect mom.

Mission Accomplished!

I didn’t feel it when I pulled my car out of the parking lot on my final day at work like I thought I would, though I was happy to finally be headed home. And even when I was greeted by The Hubs and The Munchkin that evening it still didn’t hit me (though it was a very happy reunion).

But when I woke in the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday, my head swirling with thoughts about a client event that had occurred over the weekend, I suddenly realized that it was no longer my concern. My primary responsibility now is my family – exactly what I felt it should be. And with that understanding, it suddenly began to sink in.

I felt the knots that had been living in the pit of my stomach for the past two years start to melt away. I easily slipped back into sleep for a few more hours until The Munchkin decided our day should begin.

The day was long and tiring and absolutely wonderful.

We ran errands and played outside. Practiced potty time and read books. We sang songs and had a blast getting messy with a fun finger painting project for Grandparents Day. We had just bought the paint that morning, never having had much of an opportunity to do many craft projects together before.

I watched with glee as The Munchkin dipped and swirled and amused herself with the colors and textures she was experiencing. The Grandparents Day project turned out perfectly imperfect. But we were having too much fun to stop there. By the time we were really done, our entire kitchen table was filled with blue-, orange-, green- and purple-swirled pieces of artwork and handprints.

All throughout the day, and especially during this project, I was fully aware that I would be missing all of this if I had been working that day. And it was bittersweet to realize that this is what I had been missing all that time.

While The Munchkin napped, I actually got laundry done and cleaned our refrigerator. I had dinner cooking when The Hubs got home from work. And for once on a weekday, I actually enjoyed the cooking process.

After The Munchkin went to bed, exhausted as I was, I even found the energy to clean up after our day of fun and prepare our home for another day together.

By the time my day was over, I could barely keep my eyes open. But tired as I was, I didn’t feel worn out. In fact, strange as it may sound, I felt refreshed. Accomplished. The way you feel after a really great workout. And I couldn’t wait for the next day to begin.

I still have a lot to learn about this whole stay-at-home-mom thing, for instance, when to actually find time to shower and get myself dressed and ready for the day. But I’m so looking forward to figuring it all out as we go.

And I’m so incredibly thankful to have the chance to learn it.

No more saying, “Someday…” or “I wish…” or even “When…” I can now proudly say I am a stay-at-home-mom. And you know what? I really like the sound of that!

This post is linked to Thank You Journal over at Alli-n-Son. Head on over there to see what else people are appreciating this week.

You Gotta Have Faith

“You’ll just know when it happens,” my mom answered the 12-year-old me. She and my father were going through a divorce and I remember questioning love and asking her how you would ever really know if you were in love.

Despite my doubts (it seemed like such a placating adult answer at the time), it turned out to be true. Not just about love, but about many things in life. Things that are right.

You just know when something is right. At least, I always have. It’s a gut instinct of sorts and one that I’ve learned to follow. But even then, it doesn’t mean it’s without fear.

For example, when The Hubs and I first met and started dating I was a freshman in college and not at all looking for a serious long-term relationship. I just wanted to enjoy life and have fun. The speed with which my feelings grew for The Hubs caught me off-guard.

I was scared.

Even though I knew how I felt and knew we were right together, the thought terrified me. Because it meant change and vulnerability and all those things that tend to make people like me uncomfortable.

That’s where our little family sits right now. Change is in the air. And even though it feels right

And even though The Hubs and I agree that it is absolutely the best thing for our family…

And even though we’ve proven to ourselves that we can do it…

It doesn’t make it any less scary.

I will be done working outside of the home in less than two months.

In less than one month, I’ll be submitting my letter of resignation.

And I know it’s right, but I’m still afraid. It’s scary to think about a life where I rely completely on someone else. And for The Hubs, it’s a scary burden to be the sole provider (I do have plans to do some freelancing and work on the side – but this a reliable income does not make).

And what about The Munchkin? What if this choice and this reduction in our income causes her to miss out on something? What if we’re depriving her of opportunity?

These are the things I think about as I lay in bed at night trying to picture the life we will soon have. The life we’ve worked so desperately to have.

But somehow, despite those questions, I just know.

Yes, change is in the air for our family. And with that comes uncertainty.  And that’s scary.

But when I really think about it, I can come up with 20 reasons why this change is the right choice for us. Facts. And those questions are only fears. And I’m not going to let fear trump reason.

Because, deep down, I just know. Just like my mom said I would.

This post is linked to Thank You Journal over at Alli ‘n Son. Head on over there to see what else people are appreciating today.

Mission SAHM Update: This Thing Called Money…

Anything worth having is worth the wait, and that, loyal readers, is what we’re doing. Waiting. Not long, just two more months.

I know, I know, I already said that I was going to quit my job at the end of June. And I wanted to. Man, how I wanted to. But there’s this thing called reality. And the reality is: we’re not financially ready quite yet.

See, June was a bit more of a challenge for us than April or May. There was this thing called vacation wherein we visited my father who lives far away, some unexpected car repairs, and I’ll be honest: we were lazy and ate out more than we budgeted for in June.

And while we still came in under budget in terms of living on just The Hubs’ salary, we fell a little short of our six-months-of-expenses rainy day fund. Because the reality is this: we needed this three-months-on-one-salary trial to determine precisely what amount six-months-of-expenses would be.

Having documented and completed three months of our spending habits we now have an exact number. We averaged our total spending for April, May and June and then multiplied it by six. Our actual savings came out a bit short.

Two more months of working should easily make up the difference.

So that’s the plan. I will officially be a stay-at-home-mom as of September 1 – and oh, let me tell you that day will be glorious!

We have a firm, realistic date and a plan – something that in spite of the fact that it means I will miss the summer at home, is an incredibly wonderful thing, and I’m thankful for it. Because, while I want to stay home with my baby girl more than anything (I hate missing just a single moment of her life), I want to be able to do so responsibly.

Remember, this is a choice we’re making because it’s what’s best for our family. And in this economy, job security is not what it used to be. That is something we need to take into consideration. We certainly don’t expect The Hubs to suddenly lose his job without warning, but in this day and age, it’s becoming a more regular occurrence and we need to be prepared in the meantime. This rainy day fund, six months of living expenses that will not be touched, will give us the padding and time to make a sudden transition should that ever be required of us.

So yes, our plans have been delayed, and I’m not going to tell you that it’s not devastating a bummer, because it is. But on the positive side of things, I know that when I’m finally able to leave my job on the last day of August, I will be able to plunge confidently into this next phase because we took this time to prove to ourselves that we could do it.

We will be prepared financially for any curveballs life throws at us. And there will be curveballs – you can count on it. With these extra two months we’re taking to plan for them though, we’ll be able to tell whether or not to swing.

This post is linked to Thank You Journal over at Alli ‘n Son. Head on over there to see what others are thankful for.

Stinkin’ Proud

I have been getting semi-disgusted looks and, I suspect, more than a few eye rolls behind my back lately. And really, friends, family, marginal acquaintances and complete strangers, I understand. Truly, I do. It’s a topic of conversation that most people aren’t exactly thrilled to discuss. I’d even go so far as to say that it’s less than thrilling if it’s with someone with whom you would prefer not to know such details. But I can’t help myself. I’m trying, but, I’m just so stinkin’ proud!

What are you so stinkin’ proud of, you are probably asking as you read along. Well, it’s poop.

Yes, you read that right, poop. And before you go scrolling and clicking away out of disgust, just stick with me here, ok? I told you, I’m just so stinkin’ proud!

I haven’t changed a poopy diaper in four, count them, FOUR days! Not because The Hubs has done it, or because I’ve lucked out and been working during the number 2 action. Nope. It’s because The Munchkin, my baby girl, 15-months-old with reddish pig-tails and a contagious grin, has been doing her business on the pot. Yes, she is pooping on the potty!

Can I get a celebratory potty dance for that one or what?!

Now, we are nowhere near what I could call potty training. I just picked up a little toddler toilet seat (you know, the kind that prevents your standard toilet seat from completely swallowing  tiny hinies) and figured, “Why not let her get used to sitting on it?”

So we tried it.

She sits there, looking at books, jabbering away, occasionally singing, and suddenly she poops (and tinkles too)! It’s almost sad how proud I am of her for doing this (and the number of times I have announced to just about anyone who will listen that my baby girl is pooping on the potty). Do you have any idea how many text messages I sent this week containing the word poop? Probably more than anyone should. I’m probably going to get blocked soon. But I don’t care.

Even if it’s years before she’s fully potty trained…well…if I can get out of having to change poopy diapers for a stretch or two? I’m all for it.

So bring on the bathroom talk – my baby’s pooping on the potty!

Now that poop is happening, do you think we should give full-on potty training a shot? Or stick with the gradual method? What has/has not worked for you?

This post is linked to Thank You Journal over at Alli ‘n Son, !!! over at Momalom and Finer Things Friday at Amy’s Finer Things. Check out all three awesome sites to see what else people are appreciating this week.