“You’ll just know when it happens,” my mom answered the 12-year-old me. She and my father were going through a divorce and I remember questioning love and asking her how you would ever really know if you were in love.
Despite my doubts (it seemed like such a placating adult answer at the time), it turned out to be true. Not just about love, but about many things in life. Things that are right.
You just know when something is right. At least, I always have. It’s a gut instinct of sorts and one that I’ve learned to follow. But even then, it doesn’t mean it’s without fear.
For example, when The Hubs and I first met and started dating I was a freshman in college and not at all looking for a serious long-term relationship. I just wanted to enjoy life and have fun. The speed with which my feelings grew for The Hubs caught me off-guard.
I was scared.
Even though I knew how I felt and knew we were right together, the thought terrified me. Because it meant change and vulnerability and all those things that tend to make people like me uncomfortable.
That’s where our little family sits right now. Change is in the air. And even though it feels right…
And even though The Hubs and I agree that it is absolutely the best thing for our family…
And even though we’ve proven to ourselves that we can do it…
It doesn’t make it any less scary.
I will be done working outside of the home in less than two months.
In less than one month, I’ll be submitting my letter of resignation.
And I know it’s right, but I’m still afraid. It’s scary to think about a life where I rely completely on someone else. And for The Hubs, it’s a scary burden to be the sole provider (I do have plans to do some freelancing and work on the side – but this a reliable income does not make).
And what about The Munchkin? What if this choice and this reduction in our income causes her to miss out on something? What if we’re depriving her of opportunity?
These are the things I think about as I lay in bed at night trying to picture the life we will soon have. The life we’ve worked so desperately to have.
But somehow, despite those questions, I just know.
Yes, change is in the air for our family. And with that comes uncertainty. And that’s scary.
But when I really think about it, I can come up with 20 reasons why this change is the right choice for us. Facts. And those questions are only fears. And I’m not going to let fear trump reason.
Because, deep down, I just know. Just like my mom said I would.
This post is linked to Thank You Journal over at Alli ‘n Son. Head on over there to see what else people are appreciating today.
Oh how I remember those feelings. The fear, the worries, the doubts. But also knowing deep sown that it’s right. It’s hard beyond all belief but it’s just right.
.-= Allison @ Allo n Son´s last blog ..Sparkling Moments =-.