Another day of nothingness? Check!
Those are literally the words that just ran through my head as I sit at my desk willing the time to go by faster than it is.
Why is it only Wednesday? It feels like it should be Thursday. Or better, Friday. Because if it were Friday, I would be at home with my little girl right now doing dishes or something productive while she naps. Something that doesn’t feel fake.
I sit here, at this lonely desk, listening to my boss and her husband fight over a family matter that has made its way into the office. While my other boss tries to squirm out of a badgering by my boss. And I think, Maybe I can fake sick…
But I can’t.
Because I called-in sick yesterday when I was only sort-of sick and probably could have made it through the day staring blankly at my desk just fine, but didn’t. And I hate lying. And I’m really a horrible liar. And normally a terrible faker. But that’s all I feel in this place. Fake.
Fake concern for the tasks I know I should be completing but can’t find the motivation to do. Fake interest in the goings-on of the clients. Fake enthusiasm for a project I don’t think will succeed but don’t have the energy to argue about. Fake passion for something that used to be important to me but no longer is. Fake. Fake. Fake.
*Sigh*
This too shall pass. And I know when. I just hope I can stomach the falseness until then.
And I hope I don’t lose myself in the process.
Oh, I know exactly how you feel. I’m right there with you.
Oh hun, I remember those feelings. Once you have an end date, all of the days leading up to it just seem meaningless. I always tried to focus on what I could still learn while I was working. Like I first discovered Twitter and blogging while I was working, and applied it to my job, so I learn about something I would be doing after I quit, while I was still working. That helped, some days. Hang in there.
.-= Allison´s last blog ..Toddler-isms =-.